"Diagnosis: golden rush" novel by Krystyna Knypl, chapter 7

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Krystyna Knypl


The researchers involved in the implementation of the BAT Study program worked tirelessly. They analyzed the data, looked for correlations, and looked for causal relationships. Proteins in which the tyrosine in the side chain has a hydroxyl group in an unusual position are called psycho-proteins.

So, did increasing the supply of phenylalanine in the diet provide a chance to change health behaviors? This was the basic question arising from the initial research. However, further analysis of the samples unfortunately did not confirm this preliminary hypothesis that changing the position of the hydroxyl group affects human behavior.

Psychoproteins turned out to be a clue that could not be fully confirmed. However, there was a belief among researchers that the issue was related to the structure of proteins. Months of searching passed, and there was no indication that any connections would be found quickly. The next morning, when the discussion was still going on after Matilda's appearance on TV "Rewelacja" on the forum www.penicillium3x80000j=2.4 million, editor Jan Grzegorz Maczugin appeared on the screen of the competing television station To-Nie-Ten (TNT). The editor's programmatic task in the great strategic plan of the fight for the souls of Sarmaland patients was to refute the facts. When someone said, for example, You can't cross the red light, editor Maczugin replied stoically: How can you not? How can this not be possible?


To Nie Ten (TNT) Television

He had mastered the challenge of all knowledge to perfection. He had a stable amount of knowledge, which he acquired during his philosophical studies. As a graduate, he knew well that after completing such studies, it was enough to philosophize, because why keep learning so much? When editor Maczugin read a work forty years ago, he had read it.

He couldn't understand why these horsewomen kept saying it was so difficult to read the Commercial Data Sheets of Pills, Rectal Suppositories, and Injections. If they read it once, they would have read it. And they did nothing but complain that they had to read and read all the time. And the editor doesn't have to, he just needs to philosophize and immediately feel better. The editor's well-being wasn't always good, but it was all because of the inscriptions and the doctors. For example, the information that smoking causes cancer and other serious diseases was extremely irritating to editor Maczugin, who is an active sponsor of the tobacco industry, whenever he reached for a pack of cigarettes.

During one of the editorial meetings at the station, To-Nie-Ten proposed that the tobacco industry, as part of its customer-facing attitude, should develop a new version of the inscriptions: "Doctors cause dangerous diseases!" Everyone liked the concept of editor Maczugin.

Algier ZOO

Freedom was longed for by people and animals

Most importantly, the new concept provided high-paying tobacco industry advertising for the To-Nie-Ten station. This inscription freed many smokers from the dilemma of who was responsible for their diseases. Dr. Odrana-Zatroskana, who smokes cigarettes with pleasure, was also an admirer of the new concept. When, after some time of broadcasting the ads, someone in the studio unwisely suggested that smoking causes cancer, the editor immediately said: How does it cause it? How does it cause this? Does anyone feel they are causing this? There was no force for such a dictum. During commercial breaks, TNT broadcasts a spot:

"When reaching for a cigarette, remember that it is doctors who cause all your diseases. And most importantly, don't forget that you enter the horse woman's office at your own risk! The viewership of To-Nie-Ten (TVT) increased fantastically, the budget stabilized, and all this happened thanks to the ideas of editor Maczugin. For such merits, he was promoted to the director's position and removed from the daily vision, although he was given the right to handle special events. He also obtained an exclusive license to support events with the participation of Dr. Odrana-Zatroskana. In the next stage of work, BAT Study researchers focused on the Hyper Variable Region of the genome. Everything indicated that this fragment of the secret written in proteins held the key to solving the mystery. The focus was primarily on the CAAX motif, ending a highly variable region of the protein. The subjects were once again divided into groups according to the criterion of the last amino acid from the CAAX motif. It turned out that when the terminating amino acid was leucine, the use of medical services reached the level of 4-5 times a year. However, when CAAX was terminated with phenylalanine, there were 12 services a year. This variant facilitated the permanent attachment of psycho-proteins and phospholipids to the endoplasmic reticulum membranes. It wasn't easy for people and animals in the New Wonderful World.

Therefore, it was hypothesized that the permanent connection of phenylalanine from the CAAX motif with the endoplasmic reticulum leads to persistent health behaviors. Samples of all medical office goers were reviewed. Several more statistical tests were performed to examine the relationships between individual parameters. It fits like a glove. Everything indicated that bound phenylalanine does not participate in the body's biochemical processes and, as a result, the level of the free form decreases. It was assumed that the brain of such an unfortunate person with reduced phenylalanine levels was prone to depression. The pain threshold is also lowered. In short, the brain causes people to look at the world through black glasses. And if so, only a doctor could help! And the frequency of visits, costs, demands, expectations, social dissatisfaction, bad election results, and the bottom line were all increasing. The functioning of all endocrine glands weakened, hormone levels decreased, and diseases multiplied almost by budding.

However, the most important question remained unanswered: what factors cause the phenylalanine from the CAAX motif to connect with the endoplasmic reticulum? All known and theoretically influencing factors that could potentially generate such a connection were checked, but nothing matched, at least of the factors that were tested. The case unexpectedly came to a standstill.

While BAT Study scientists focused on the details of the structure of individual amino acids, the public authorities in Sarmaland tended to focus on larger works and more momentous events. The unveiling of new monuments and the opening of new centers related to medicine were the activities most eagerly attended by Minister Bartolomeo Karierra-Nieuwierra. The important role played by Sarmaland's national consultants, advising in various fields and, above all, in implementing the idea of reimbursement, required solemn celebration. The minister decided to fund a monument in honor of the national consultants and issued an appropriate order to the artists.

After a few months, the monument was ready. The work was called the Monument to the Four Sleeping Consultants of Sarmaland. All officials and models, i.e. national consultants, attended the unveiling ceremony as guests of honor. During the ceremony, they took heroic knee-elbow positions near the ministerial box so that the authorities had them at hand. By gently tugging his mane, the authorities could say "Good consultant, good".

The unveiling ceremony of the monument is scheduled for noon. The clocks on the Madman's Tower struck twelve. The Minister of All Patients of Sarmaland approached the podium, gracefully took out an "i-To-Lubię" tablet from his pocket, and began to speak in Latin to the gathered guests:

 exegi monumentum 3
Exegi monumentum

 Exegi monumentum aere perennius

There was no end to the applause, especially since the opening of the Institute for Measuring Doctors' Working Time was to take place soon, followed by the filling of director positions and the assignment of minor managerial functions. It's worth waving your mane ingratiatingly at the minister because there's a real point. The annual budget of the Institute for the Measurement of Physicians' Working Time amounted to two billion Sarmalandic reals, which was saved thanks to the introduction of new solutions on the prescription market. And since the consultants always needed money, there was no end to the waving of their manes. A rumor spread among consultants that the Institute of Physicians' Working Time Measurement would be tasked with developing the foundations for the development of a new discipline of managerial sciences - AMOK, i.e. alternative medicine based on control. The times when a doctor thought, sought advice from other colleagues and used his professional experience are gone. What are these methods that cannot be measured and controlled? – said supporters of the new discipline. Everything must be measurable and controllable, they added. Medicine as an art? – the future presidents of the institute snorted like cab drivers. We checked these artists and showed them their shortcomings. Consultants rushed to the rescue and a scientific basis was developed to silence those who doubted and all too often invoked personal experience. AMOK was given the highest rank among various methods and marked with an evidence class of IA, which meant that the strongest evidence was always in the hands of the controller. There was a revival in the labor market, and hope for a well-paid job blossomed in the hearts of all masters of cultural studies, art history, and musicology who dreamed of medicine in their youth, but lacked the courage and talents to realize their youthful dreams.

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Krystyna Knypl

Diagnosis: golden rush

2011 / 2013